Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
