I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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