Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
