Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
