he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
