There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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