You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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