From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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