Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
