Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
