a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
