I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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