i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
