And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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