Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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