I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
