drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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