Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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