Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it hurts more in the daytime
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
