he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
