Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
