Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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