you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
