69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
