Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize