I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
