Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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