just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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