hotel room ftw
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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