literally had 100 drinks last night.
I will die if light touches me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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