Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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