hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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