I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
