The maid of honor just puked.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
