Non-Jews are for practice
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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