C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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