I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
