dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
