yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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