Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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