Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
