I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
