So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
