Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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