wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
