It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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