Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
