...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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