Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
