So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
