listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
